I don't know what I'm doing. How can I expect a baby for one man and try to date another..? This is just not working at all. I try to trust A and he is much more Dad to this child than H will ever be, but there is something.. I don't know. I just cannot be sure that he is up to everything that is about to happen. I'm afraid that he will leave me when I need him the most. And that it will happen after this baby has also started to love him. I don't know if I can do this to us.. our family. Is it better to just stay alone?

I can't even understand why A wants to be with me. He must be out of his mind.

Today I hung out with my older sister. She had a hand surgery and she needed someone to take her to the hospital and back home. It was a long day for all of us. I just started my sick leave from work yesterday because of my back pain and it isn't so easy for me to just sit and wait..

Yesterday I heard that my baby is upside down in my tummy and it is a miracle if she / he will turn by her / himself. So I'm quite nervous and really don't know what to do about anything.